Dear Future and Husband (Luke 7 Woman: Diary Entry #12)
I saw a post on Instagram from a woman who I now follow. It talked about her previous dating woes. She had experienced so many things from rejection to confusion, a man changing his mind and a guy ultimately choosing another woman. When I read what she wrote, it resonated with me, truly. I honestly thought I was the only one who had a similar story. It was refreshing to hear someone who had gone through and come out on the other side. The other thing that encouraged me is that she actually spoke about it.
She didn’t hide it. She didn’t “forget about it”. She owned it and gave glory to God for it. This journey that we’re on together is one of processing as well. An important part of the process is forgiveness. I understand that, and so I decided to write two separate letters. Addressing one letter to my past, forgiving myself and what my past represents to me. The other is to my future and what I pray lies ahead. I addressed the letter to specific people who represent each moment in time. Past, Present and Future.
I sat and wrote to my past and forgave him and myself for everything that happened. I aired everything I needed to say, and I turned the page. However, when I got to the future, I couldn’t wrap my head around believing that it was possible. I couldn’t see it, so I didn’t feel a need to write to it. I was going to leave things alone and just close the door on my past; with no future to look forward to. That didn’t sit well. During my 40 days of being kind to myself, how could I be ok with thinking I have no future? So……I decided to write. And I thought I’d share. I wrote my past a letter and turned the page, this blog is my letter to you as we journey forward in the present, and now I have a letter for the future.
After reading this, I hope that you will begin to compose your own. Past, Present and Future.
Dear Future and Husband,
I struggled with writing to you. I think my struggle is a clear indication that I hadn’t addressed everything, and I am not quite ready for you. I have some more heart cleaning to do. You see, the one before you, my past, made me feel like you didn’t exist. However, after careful consideration I think composing this letter is crucial to the process now more than ever. I came from a long line of women whose dreams were stolen, deferred or abused. In their despair, they gave up. I don’t fault them. Life can be extremely difficult without truth and love.
However, I refuse to allow this to happen to me.
So, future and husband, I cannot wait to meet you. I pray that God is leading you to me as I lay these words to paper. I ask God to give us both strength to avoid distractions, wisdom to weather difficult circumstances and discernment to know truth from lies. I know that you are full of integrity and compassion. You are not perfect, but in every instance, you try to do the right thing. I pray that God is shaping us to become more Christ-like in all that we do. I pray that God will teach us both how to love, how to serve, how to sacrifice, how to forgive, how to teach, how to listen, how to care and most importantly how to embrace the process. I am excited to meet you future and husband. I will try not to rush and mistakenly abort the process. God willing, I’ll see you on the other side.